Tuesday, March 4, 2014

If my children asked me about sex

For a class assignment, I described scenarios where my children asked me questions about sex. We were to write from our own thoughts, with no outside references.

It was more difficult than I thought it would be! I've always said I would be honest and frank with my kids, but when it came down to it, I was at a loss for words!

I did come up with something. Keep in mind while reading that this is a rough version and I had to pad in order to make the word count! I did not look at any advice or references before writing, and I am no child psychologist. My only goal was to be open and honest... and not give them psychological scars!

My 14-year-old daughter asks, “Can you get pregnant the first time you have sex?”

“Mom, can you get pregnant the first time you have sex?”

“Actually, you can. You’ve probably heard otherwise. I know that I did when I was your age. As long as you’ve already started menstruating, you can get pregnant from sex. You can get sexually transmitted infections from your first time too. That’s why safe sex is so important. Birth control pills and condoms help prevent pregnancy, and condoms help prevent sexually transmitted infections. Many other forms of contraception exist, but those are the most common. Do you have any questions?”


“Okay. Why were you wondering about it?”

“A girl in my class was talking about it.”

“Are you having sex?”


“Well, just know that you can always ask me questions. I’ll do my best to be open and honest with you. Sex isn’t a bad thing. It can be really great! But you have to make sure you’re ready for it. There’s nothing wrong with waiting, even if you feel pressure from your friends. I got made fun of for not knowing much about sex when I was in high school. When you have sex, it should be something you want, and it should be on your terms. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. At the same time, if you want to have sex, that’s okay too. Just remember that you need to be safe about it. It should be with someone you care about, someone you’re comfortable with, someone you trust. Pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections are not the only bad things that can happen from sex. Pictures and videos can pop up all over social media, and your partner could talk about you behind your back. I’m not trying to scare you. I just want you to know that bad things can happen with sex. That’s why it’s important to be safe and choose someone you trust. And remember that you can talk to me about anything.”

Your 9-year-old son asks, “What is oral sex?”

“Mom, what is oral sex?”

“Oral sex is when someone puts their mouth on someone else’s genitals or private parts. For boys, it’s when someone puts their mouth on the penis. For girls, it’s when someone puts their mouth on the vaginal area. Why do you ask?”

“I heard a boy talking about it at school.”

“Okay. It’s okay to be curious about sex. It’s a part of human nature, and it’s totally normal to want it because it feels good. And I want you to know that it’s okay to ask me any question you have about sex. Oral sex is just one of many types of sexual activity. Like all types of sex, it’s important to be safe. Infections and viruses can still spread through oral sex. It’s important to know your partner and talk about it. Talking is important so everyone is on the same page. There are ways to protect yourself and your partner from getting infections. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, but when is it okay to have oral sex?”

“There’s no set age that makes it automatically okay. I think you should wait until you’re older, though. Sex makes more sense when you’re older. It’s important to be emotionally ready when you decide to do it. And there’s nothing wrong with waiting until you’re ready. Even if the kids at school pressure you or make fun of you, it’s always important to do what’s best for yourself. Does that make sense?”


“When it does happen, though, it’s important that you are comfortable with whomever you’re with. You have to be able to talk to each other and trust each other. No one should make you do anything you don’t want to do. No one should feel pressured to do something they don’t want to. It’s always important for both people to want it. And remember that you can always talk to me about anything!”